There’s no feeling like being in love with someone who is with someone else. Whether it’s an ex, or the one you could never get things started with because of timing and luck, that sense of longing is unique among emotions for its intensity. It’s a war in your heart. A tug-of-war of the best and worst emotions we experience: envy, hope, jealousy, affection, desire. You beam when you see the pictures of their vacations, their awards and their achievements. You count their new, successful relationship as one of those achievements to be happy for. You think that the person your love has chosen is attractive, decent and a good fit for them. You pore over the images of their children, or pets, or home purchases.
And you still wish that it was you in those pictures. You wish that it was you making love to that person on their birthday. You wish that it was you rubbing their feet after a stressful day. You wish that it was you delivering all of the joy you see in those pictures..
But it’s not.
And you feel happy anyway.