Muppet Genetics

My dad asked a question the other day, “If Kermit and Piggy had kids, what would they look like?” That’s a fair question. What would they look like? My first thought was that the girls would be pigs and the boys would be frogs. That’s what happens in The Muppet Christmas Carol when Kermit plays Bob Cratchit and Piggy plays his wife. Their girl children are pigs and their boy children are frogs. That doesn’t work, though. Those aren’t Kermit and Piggy’s actual kids. They’re just Muppet actors playing the role of the Cratchit children.

So, I started trying to think of Muppets that are blood relatives. Kermit is Robin’s uncle, and they’re both frogs. Mrs. Bear is Fozzie Bear’s mother, and they’re both bears. That’s as far as I got. Even if I missed some, it’s not a very long list. And it’s not a very helpful list. We don’t know what Kermit’s sister or brother looked like, nor do we know what Fozzie’s father looked like. Were they frogs and bears respectively? That would explain why the relatives look so much like each other.

It is tempting to think that Kermit and Piggy could not produce offspring. After all, they are different species and not compatible. That doesn’t feel right, though. In order for Kermit and Piggy or Gonzo and Camilla to have a romance, there must be some mutual attraction. And normally, in Nature, incompatible animals are not attracted to each other. That’s how evolution works. If different Muppets do in fact feel attracted to each other, it seems likely that they are genetically compatible.

My mom suggested that all Muppets are in fact part of the same species, Muppet. This makes sense. It would explain why Muppets are attracted to each other. It would also explain a lot of other Muppet behavior. Why doesn’t Kermit need to be wet like most frogs? Because he’s a Muppet. Why doesn’t Fozzie hibernate in the winter like most bears? Because he’s a Muppet. Muppets do their own things. And if this theory is true, Kermit and Piggy can reproduce.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t tell us what those offspring would look like. Is green skin dominant or recessive? There’s no way to tell. We would have to assume that the children would be some combination of Kermit and Piggy. But we can never really predict what babies will look like from looking at the parents. Otherwise all siblings would look the same. I guess Kermit and Piggy’s children will remain a mystery until the two of them decide to have children. The only thing I am confident about is that the children would be adorable.

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