A couple of years ago, I wrote a bunch of posts about dealing with depression. It was somewhat uncomfortable, but at the time, I couldn’t write about anything else. I’ve been dealing with another depressive episode for the past four-ish months. Only this time, I couldn’t get myself to write about it. In the past week or so, I’m finally starting to feel better, so I thought I’d give writing about it a shot.
First of all, this go round wasn’t nearly as bad as a couple of years ago. If I didn’t have a history of depression, I would probably have described it as an extended funk. Everything just felt a little off. It was like a bad day that lasted a few months. The most prominent symptom was a lack of motivation.
I was in good enough shape to recognize what was going on and be frustrated by it. But I was in bad enough shape that I couldn’t do anything about it on my own. So, I increased the frequency of my therapy sessions and I called the doctor. The doctor started me on light therapy and made some adjustments to my medication.
I wasn’t really thrilled with either one. I hate to think it was a seasonal thing. My favorite seasons are fall and winter. And I just don’t like medication. I take it. I know the doctor knows a lot more than I do about this stuff, and I tolerate it well, virtually no side effects, but I still don’t like it. The good news is that even though I didn’t like it, after some experimentation (there’s always some experimentation) we found something that seems to be working.
Now that I’m coming out of my fog, the frustration is really hitting me. Before this episode, I had been doing so well. Once the depression set in, though, I stopped exercising. I just didn’t have the energy. I stopped bringing my lunches to work. Not making lunch got me an extra five minutes in bed every morning. Of course that meant going out to eat for lunch every day, which is bad for my waistline and my wallet.
One of the first signs that I was feeling better is I wanted to go for a walk last week. I’ve been getting out consistently since. I also started making my lunches again. I’m actually motivated to get back to where I was. I’m knocking on wood, but things are moving in the right direction. Now I just need to lose the weight I gained. Maybe that will get me a second date.