One of the odd things about depression, for me at least, is the way it robs me of any kind of attention span. I’ve always had a very long attention span. Even as a little kid I would get absorbed in things and spend hours and hours on them. I can’t even count how many times I’ve watched three Star Wars movies in a row or read a whole book in one sitting. Right now, though, I can’t sit through a half-hour TV show. When I try to read, I’m lucky to get through a page or two without losing track of what’s going on. It sucks.
The worst part about it is that right now I can easily spend hours doing absolutely nothing. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and all I can do is lie there. If I try to read or watch TV or do some work, I can’t. Frustrating barely describes it. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be a rodent.
I don’t know how long this will last. It’s one of the big reasons I just don’t feel like myself lately. We’ll see.