I’ve been divorced for a little more than six years now. That’s crazy to think about. Tempus fugit, I guess. But anyway, six years is a pretty long time to be single. And I have been single for most of that time. I’ve had a couple of brief relationships that, taken together, might add up to about a year. So, I guess it’s more accurate to say that five years is a long time to be single. The sad truth is that I’m lonely. I’ve flirted with the idea of leaning into my sad sackishness, but I’m not ready to give up yet. Instead, I’ve been actively trying to not be single but with very little luck.
In this day and age, trying not to be single means dating apps. It’s just how people meet now. I mean, there are a few other places to meet people, like bars. But I don’t drink, and I hate bars. They make me grumpy and irritable. That’s not a good look when trying to meet someone. There are also sites like Meetup where you can find people with similar hobbies. But that’s more a way to find friends than dates. So, I’m stuck with dating apps even though they don’t seem to work for me. I’m on Facebook dating, Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid.
Facebook, strangely, seems to think I’m only interested in Black women. At least that’s pretty much all it ever shows me. The is the occasional Latina or West Indian thrown in there, but the vast majority of the women are Black. That’s not necessarily a problem. I’d be happy to date a Black woman, but I’d also be happy to date a woman from any race or ethnicity. I don’t have some kind of fetish. It’s just a little confusing. That being said, one of my short, post-divorce relationships came from Facebook.
Bumble is a little different. Their gimmick is that the women have to make the first move. I like the idea; it takes some of the pressure off. And Bumble shows me the most balance and appealing women of all the sites. But, apparently, the only thing the women of Bumble have in common is that they don’t find my profile appealing. In the past six years, I’ve only matched with a handful of women, and I don’t think a single one of those matches ever turned into a first date.
Tinder seems to be mostly bots. At least that’s my guess. The profile photos look like they were done professionally with models. The write-ups have, let’s say, unusual syntax and grammar. I almost never check Tinder and should probably just delete the app.
Hinge might be the weirdest one of all. It just completely ignores all my preferences. I actually don’t have many preferences. Basically, just age and location. I’m 47. I don’t want to date a 25-year-old. I also don’t want to date a 65-year-old. I want the person to be around my age. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, just no one who could be my daughter or my mother. For location, I would like someone in Connecticut or maybe Southwestern Massachusetts. I don’t want to drive more than 45ish minutes. Hinge shows me women as young as 18, as old as 70, and as far away as Philadelphia. This is another app that I don’t know why I keep. I’ve never even had a match.
Finally, there’s OkCupid. This one’s a little like Facebook in that it seems to think I have a type. Only OkCupid thinks my type is polyamorous potheads. It’s amazing how many married women are on OkCupid. Although, to be fair, I get more likes and matches on OkCupid than any of the other apps. I even chat with some of them. And the other short, post-divorce relationship came from OkCupid. I’m just really not into polyamorous potheads.
I’ve also tried eHarmony and Match. I paid for both, and they couldn’t have been a bigger waste of time and money. Literally not a single match on either of them.
In the past year, I’ve matched with a total of five women. That’s less than one every two months. Of the five, the most successful was the one who told me she was talking to someone else, too, and wanted to pursue that one instead of me. I’ve also been ghosted three times and I was stood up once.
I’ve written about the difficulties of dating in your forties before. It seems the apps are actually making it harder. I’d love to delete them all, only I don’t know what else to do. I suppose if any of you know any single women about my age in the greater Hartford area, you could fix us up. Otherwise, I’m stuck on these apps for the foreseeable future.
