Dear N. K. Jemisen

If you are not N. K. Jemisen and you’re reading this, it contains spoilers for several of Jemisen’s works. Be warned!

Dear N. K. Jemisen,

I hope this letter (essay?) finds you well. I recently completed your Broken Earth trilogy, and it’s taken me a few months to put into words what I felt after completing it. I also hope that this letter somehow finds its way to you, so that I can express my genuine appreciation for and awe towards you as a writer.

My first exposure to you came over twenty years ago. I was a high school student who stayed up into the wee hours of the night to use the internet because it was the only time I wasn’t competing with the rest of the family for the phone line. I was there mostly to talk to my lesbian best friend who I was in love with, but I needed something to do while I was waiting for her messages on AOL Instant Messenger. 

I don’t know how it happened, but I stumbled across a Dragon Ball fan fiction called Full Circle. From the opening section, I was immediately hooked (although I can’t find it on the internet any longer, I have several copies of the text saved so I will be quoting from it):

“Everything changed when the Saiyajin came. They destroyed our cities, and raised new ones of their own. They killed our leaders, and installed Prince Vejiita in their place. We became their slaves, as did our children by them. 

“It was a wonder that we were able to retain any semblance of hope, during those long, dark, painful years. But perhaps it was because we knew that as long as a single one of us survived, as long as just one of us had the strength to fight back, there was a chance. A chance, however slim, that one day, we would be free again.”

—The Leader, Memoirs of the Occupation, Pt. 1

After an opening like that, you better believe I was all in. So while my friend pined away for a girl we both knew on AIM, and I was solidifying my love of videogame music by listening to the Lon Lon Ranch theme on repeat, I was also reading about the adventures of Ko Shiatar as she struggled to to free Earth from the might of Prince Vejiita and the Saiyajin Empire.

To say that Full Circle had an impact on me would be an understatement. I’ve often said that my personality is 40% Dragon Ball, 30% Star Trek/Wars and 30% miscellaneous, and a good 15% of that Dragon Ball portion belongs to Full Circle. The exchange between Kakaroto and Vejiita in the final battle is burned into my mind in a way that few other lines of literature are:

“So this . . . is what . . . it comes to,” he panted, and laughed again. “Should’ve . . . challenged you . . . long ago. I can’t . . . match you this time, Vejiita.”  

“No, you can’t.” Vejiita spoke softly, but his voice carried clearly to Shiatar; for just a moment, she thought she heard regret in that voice. Regret? I must still be in shock . . . or maybe he hit me harder than I thought . . .  

“You were my greatest warrior, Kakaroto,” Vejiita continued quietly. “I was proud of you once.”  

Kakaroto laughed again, tiredly; his blood was beginning to stain the ground dark at Vejiita’s feet. “I was proud . . . to serve you . . . once,” he replied.  

“I know.” Vejiita stepped back; Kakaroto swayed wildly, but managed to keep his feet. “But those days are gone.” 

It has been my goal since I read those words to write something even half as good as that scene. 

I’ve re-read Full Circle every year since high school, but for many years I didn’t know who the author was. I found it, unattributed, on a random Geocities site that went down after I graduated. But many years of sleuthing led me to ultimately discover that you, N.K. Jemisen, were the author. And it was right around the time that The Fifth Season was released. 

Unfortunately, at the time I wasn’t much of a reader. I purchased The Fifth Season to support the author of my favorite book, and it sat on my book shelf for a decade. In the meantime, I’ve become a professional writer, working freelance for two different online papers. Between the two, I make a decent living. But in my heart, I still want to write fiction, like I did when I was in middle school, writing my own Dragon Ball/Star Trek hybrid fanfiction that I didn’t dare let anyone read.

I decided to start pursuing that dream again, and I realized that before I could write, I had to learn how to read again. I set myself a strict regimen as my New Year’s Resolution: every day I would read one chapter of a book, read five chapters of One Piece, and write 1,000 words. 

I’m going to talk about One Piece someday on its own, but suffice to say that reading it has been a life-changing experience. I read Tuck Everlasting, No Exit, The Idiot’s Guide to Buddhism, and The Best American Short Stories 2017. And I chugged away on my story, forcing myself to seriously write 1,000 words every day, on top of my work writing. I was looking for a new book to read, and turned to The Fifth Season, which had been patiently waiting for me.

“Have you ever heard of the moon?” hit me as hard as Vejiita and Kakaroto did. I didn’t even want to include that line for anyone who hasn’t read The Fifth Season yet, but when I read it, I legitimately felt walls inside of my mind come crashing down. THIS is what’s possible with the written word. This is the kind of storytelling that’s possible if you put in work and sweat and tears and give it your all. Maybe someday, I can be half as good as N. K. Jemisen. 

I still can’t quite put into words what reading The Broken Trilogy has done to me. I still think about Lerna, and Syenite, and Hoa. I still think about how the first book snapped into place as I finally understood who Essun was. How. HOW? How did you think of that? How did you put that down on paper? How did you stick the landing in the third book? How was any of that possible?

But then I remember that you’re the person who wrote Full Circle. Of course you can write The Broken Earth. 

I’ve been trying to be you ever since high school. I finally wrote my first book this year, a fanfiction that examines what happens in several generations after Kakarot and Vegeta landed on Earth, and Saiyans are a minority population that challenges the status quo. Anyone who has read Full Circle will immediately recognize how it takes generously from that work’s style, tone and format. I didn’t mean to plagiarize, and I don’t believe that I have, but my story is very much intended to mimic your Dragon Ball story as closely as it can, while telling its own story. I just want my story to be as good as yours.

Thank you for being a writer, and for expanding the way I interact with stories. I didn’t know what was even possible until I read The Broken Earth, and it’s made me want to seek out even more stories to teach me what I don’t know. I really hope you get to read this letter, because I really am your biggest fan. My next purchase is between the Inheritance books and How Long ‘til Black Future Month. I’m so looking forward to having my mind blown by your works again.

Sincerely,

Jamil Ragland